Opinion – Why We Feel Let Down By People We Look Up To… – Legends Report

By James Mills, Associate Partner, Lighthouse International

Increasingly we find ourselves in a society where there is more and more exposure of scandal and corruption. Whether it is a break-up, an affair, a questionable act or even a complete fall from grace; it frequently becomes speculation and incessant commentary in the public arena. The lives, careers and reputations of people who may have been our heroes… can be mercilessly dissected for millions to see in the mass media.

Admiration and respect for someone can be lost almost instantly, due to a selfish act, a silly mistake or a moment of carelessness – whereby we question the integrity of that individual. We only need to glance at the news recently to see the headlines associated with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, former England manager Sam Allardyce and children’s entertainer Jimmy Savile to see examples of this. So, what can we do if we feel let down by people we look up to?

Over the past few years, I’ve seen TV presenters, pop stars, Hollywood actors and sporting professionals that I had admired whilst growing up, now revealed in some instances as people with extreme character flaws. There’s a feeling of disappointment that these people could do such seemingly reckless things! Why feel that way about people we barely know and in many cases haven’t actually met?

The Search For Role Models

The challenge is that we grow up seeking positive role models. As children we are often more connected with the principles of effective living like fairness, kindness and respect, so we expect adults in the world to live with the highest levels of integrity for us to follow. Yet becoming an adult does not guarantee that we have perfect character – we all have our challenges regardless of how much money is in our bank account, or how many thousands of fans follow us. Even with the best of intentions we all make mistakes, will let others down and even cause harm to people we care about. Legends also have their flaws, their weaknesses and their own insecurities – just like the rest of us!

Because of the way we want wealthy and successful people to be, we naturally set ourselves up for disappointment… It is for all to see when any scandal is revealed. The sad thing is that this causes us to lose faith in humanity, and as a result we indeed lose hope in our own dreams. When we put someone on a pedestal and they fail in our eyes, then the damaging consequence is that we lower our expectations for our own lives. Rather than learn from their mistakes, we start to lose self-belief.

The Importance of Character

So what is it we can do about this? At the heart of all of this is character; the ability to act with integrity in our everyday lives, to know right from wrong, to learn from our mistakes, apologise and make things right, to forgive ourselves and others, to strive to become a better human being and be strong in times of adversity. All of these things are so much easier said than done and so it’s important to feel compassion for those who come short – which includes ourselves!!

We can learn as much from the mistakes of legends as from their achievements. Fundamentally it’s not what has happened to them, but instead, it is what they do in response to their mistakes and challenges. The ultimate determiner of character is the ability to come back time and time again to learn from our mistakes. To constantly look for ways to examine and address the gaps in the way of us achieving our goals. Quite simply….legends don’t give up!! This is also why having wise mentors who have made plenty of mistakes (and learnt from them), can also be invaluable to help us accelerate our progress – to listen, bring objectivity, support, encourage and put an arm around our shoulder when needed the most.

Every day we have the opportunity to build our character or compromise it in many different and subtle ways – whether it’s how we react to not getting what we want from someone, being offered something we haven’t truly earned, or indeed turning down an opportunity we do deserve. Ultimately our character is built by increasing our ability to make and keep our commitments both to ourselves and other people.

For an example of someone who has been working on reforming their character, then I’d highly recommend this article about Jordan Belfort; the real Wolf of Wall Street who is becoming a better man after his release from prison.